What are you afraid of?

Alright, here goes....Do you ever feel like sometimes you need to do something, yet, you're unsure of what it is exactly that you need to do? Like you have to fix something but are unsure of how to fix it? It's crazy because that's exactly how I've felt for the past week. I have not yet been clued in as to why that is... so we'll just explore this a little further, shall we? Maybe somebody else can tell me what it is that I am missing. ~ Let's start with the Corps. You all know that since I've joined I have been all about being a "Lifer" (wanted to retire from the Corps in 30 years). Well, recently I have started to wonder if maybe that's not what I want. There are a lot of reasons for this train of thought, mostly due to the fact that I want to ride. Riding has been a giant part of my life since I was 9 years old, and being in the Corps doesn't give me the time (or the opportunity over here in Japan) to ride often, if at all. I wanna go out West (Colorado baby!!) and go to College and ride. And play softball of course. But riding is the main thing. Horses are just something I am not willing to give up. They have been a dream of mine since I was four. And you shouldn't ignore or forget your dreams; they are gifts or talents that God has given you. Remember that.~ What else has been bothering me?.... Hmmmm... well, what else usually bothers females? Boys. Why are they so stubborn? Why do they always have to be... dumb dumb dummy heads?! ( Lol for those of you who have seen Shark Tale). :) Really tho?! ~Let's see, what else has been bothering me....? Oh ya.... Here is a question I want all of you to think about...What are you afraid of in life? Because the first step to conquering it, is acknowledging it. That was really hard for me to do. It was really hard for me to sit down and be honest with myself and say what I fear the most. Because once you say it out loud, it makes it real and it's not something you can really deny anymore. For the most part, I've found out, you can't really rate fear. You can on some things yea - like for example I'm not as afraid of spiders as I am at the thought of losing a family member. But for the most part fear is fear. And it hinders you from living a normal life because you will always have one thing in the way from keeping you from enjoying life to the fullest, from enjoying life the way that it was ment to be lived. So, maybe to help others see what I mean, I am going to tell you all a little bit of the things that scare me the most. Mind you, not everything I'm afraid of will be said on here, somethings are too personal to let the world know. But a few things won't hurt. For starters, you all know that I'm freaked out by the 8 legged creepy spider thingys. :( Yuk. I have a phobia of bumps..... and believe it or not I'm afraid of dark places. Not of the dark, but of rooms with no windows, it doesn't matter how large or small the space. Mom, remember the tanning rooms at Bubbles? *shiver* Those are a few little things. Other things (big things) are like I'm afraid of trusting ppl. That's a big one. Once you lose trust in ppl it is so hard to get it back. Mostly that rule goes for guys (no offence to the ones I know but I'm being honest here, remember?). I've had too much bad luck in that department. I'm a magnet for unavaliable men, and I'm tired of it. So I'd just as soon stay away from them all together so that way I won't keep getting hurt. But then, where would that get me other than miserable and lonely? I'm afraid of getting hurt. I'll admit it.I'm even more afraid, I think, of things going right for once. I'm not quite sure I'd know how to take that. Do good things last? Sure they do. You just have to be willing to open up and trust that other person, and you have to be willing to be hurt again. Because if you don't open up that part of you, you can never hope for something good to happen. It's just that simple. Just be careful to whom you trust your heart to. But remember to live life to the fullest.
Well I hafta go now, my time's run out! Muah to you guys!
In Him.... me