Duties of the Heart

There are so very many things that I wish to say; so many things that are heavy on my heart right now. So much in fact it makes me wanna cry! ( Yes, ME!) But, not cry for myself, but for others. Sometimes, I get so sad and upset and ask "why me?", then I remember that everyone has their own problems and "why me's" and I know that somewhere there is someone who has life so much harder than I do, and they don't even complain about it. They just roll with the punches, taking whatever it is that life deals out to them. One of my favorite teachers once told me during a yuker game (which I had a HORRIBLE hand of one ace and no face cards!) not to complain about the cards you have; that once you learn to play the cards that are delt to you, then you can play a better hand with better cards the next time. And even if that hand is bad, you will have the knowledge and experience from the last hand and you will be able to handle yourself accordingly. This strategy applies to life as well. And for those of you who have never played yuker, it is a game with partners. You must rely on your partner in order to win. You must trust in their judgement because you cannot see what they have. Christ is your partner in the yuker game of life. You must rely upon and trust in Him. And sometimes you must make sacrifices. Such as with life.
Yesterday a friend asked me if I believed in sacrifices. Yes, I do. Christ gave up His life so that I may live and because He chose to sacrfice Himself for me, I must sacrifice my life for the sake of others. I think that I have really lost sight of this over the last year, making many excuses to myself and my friends and my family. I had lived for everyone else for so long, that all I kept telling myself that I wanted was a life of my own, to do what I wanted to do for once; to live for ME! Since joining the Corps, I have been on my own, doing as I've pleased. And to be honest, it hasn't been as much fun as I thought it would be. And yet, I couldn't figure out why. Why couldn't I just have a normal life!?!? Why do I have to help ppl all the time! Why couldn't someone else just do it for once! I just wanted to be normal! I was so frustrated! And then, within the last 24 hours, my life seems to have crashed down around my ears. Sometimes it's only through the trials of others that makes you remember what you have been put here to do.
So, do I believe in sacrifice? I would give my life for anyone without hesitation. I'd rush into a burning building to save a little girl's dog, if only to keep her from crying. I swear I would take on the whole world's problems, just to see ppl smile more. Some things you can do, other things you can't. Most things you have to rely on the Big Guy for. And that in itself is a major sacrifice. To give all of your dreams and hopes and fears to someone you cannot see is a sacrifice. Life has no purpose if you live it soley for yourself. Living for others can mean living a challenging life. But challenges are what makes life interesting, and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. And giving up your life, putting it on hold, for the sake of helping someone else, may be a sacrifice, but I'm ok with that. I believe one person can make a difference. Well, I am one person. Let's see what I can do.