Hm. Well, I really dunno where to start with this one. Maybe the best way to start something is with the truth, no? I'm not too sure what to say really, and I'm not really sure how you all will take it either. Sigh*, I guess I need to make a little more sense, huh? Well, you are being warned right now that what you read, you may not understand. Shoot, I dunno if I even understand any of it myself. Sigh* but, this is the way the Lord works. We aren't s'posed to know why He does everything the way that He does. :S So, I apologize now for this not making any sense. :) Lol.
First things first. I'm never getting married. There I said it. I've finally got that out into the open! That has really been haunting me for a while. I can't really explain it too much more than that. Just trust in God and the plans that He has for me. He does everything for a reason and He obviously has a good reason for me. Now, I am not saying this is a permanant thing. But, as of right now, this is it. I have my reasons so please respect my wishes. Don't worry about me being gay either because I'm not. Someone asked me that the other day! Lol! I cracked up! Because I'm not sleeping with anyone (like every one else is) then they think that obviously this means that I am a lesbien! Lol! I just don't wanna date anyone here. I would not be fair to date anyway since I am never getting married. Sigh*, but seriously, this has really been eating at me, actually it's been eating away at me so much that I have been in a little void. Like everything around me is some black hole and I just exist in it. But then, the other night as we were towing jetsfrom the wash rack to the line, it hit me. Like being broadsided by a Mac truck. This light just came on in my dark little world. It was Hope. I'm not sure how to really descibe a feeling to you, but just take that for what it is. It was this strong sense of peace. And there was Serenity in it. I accepted what I couldn't change, I was filled with courage to go and change what I could, and God gave me a little wisdom to know the difference. ;) now, don't bet this will stay this way! :) But now, I know that I need to stop worrying about getting married, or never getting married. I am 20 years old. I have time. And right now, I just don't have the time. It would not be fair to date someone when I couldn't give them the time and attention they deserve. And since I am not sure of marraige at all, it also would not be fair to date someoneand steal their hopes for a future away from them. That would be selfish to take their time and attention when I don't deserve it. :) Sigh*. Now, don't take this as a bad sigh and don't try to gimme a pity party or to talk me outta it! It's not so bad once you get used to the idea! Besides, right now I need to think about gettin promoted, getting my Enlisted to Officer packages done and turned in, and the concentrating on school, OCS, and my future Marines. :) After all, my life is to serve others....
The above picture is one of my own from the first wedding shoot that I did in October 2005. :) The groom is Cpl Rehl and his wife is Keiko.
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