Take your own advice...

Hey everybody!! Well, you guessed it! I am STILL in Thailand and it is AWESOME!!! I can't even BEGIN to describe it!!!! But, be assured, I WILL put TONS of pictures on here once I get back!! :-P ~ Well, right now, my roomie Marianne and I are on here just messin around so, I decided to go thru and get rid of some old emails and I found a really good one from me to my mom and just back and forth. Ya know, I really do give some good advice sometimes... maybe I should listen to it!! Ya think?! Lol!

"...I'm just not to that point yet. Maybe in a week, a month, or years from now. I just know it's not right now. I want something based on communication and a solid friendship first. Like I said on my site (check out my website if you haven't in a while!! It's a good one!), I am afraid of a lot of things. And the first step to conquering what you are afraid of is to say it out loud because then it becomes real and you can start to overcome it. After a lot of thought and being very honest with myself, I have realized that I have always been afraid of relationships, commitment. After Al, I was always to afraid of being hurt. It was too much for me. That was the one kind of pain that I didn't know how to make go away. So I hid it away and I guess after all these years it just kind of grew and ate away at me. Maybe I'm also afraid of something good happening as well. I'm so used to the bad that the good would be too weird. I actually sat down and made a list of everything that I was afraid of. And then I tried to figure out how to fix it. And what I've come up with is this: trust. You have to trust who you are with because they are gonna know so much about you and if they really want things to work out then they will accept EVERYTHING about you and work WITH you on your fears. They will help you get through them and you have to be willing to let them help you. And you have to be willing to get hurt again. If your not, you won't be able to really open up to that person and have the relationship you both deserve to have. You won't be giving all of you; kinda like lying. And I don't like to lie. :( So I'm working on it. I just hope he feels as if he can trust me, even a little bit, and we can build on that. Even if it only turns out to be as friends..... I enjoy knowing that, and even if this is all we ever have, then I'm gonna make sure and enjoy it all while I can. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that everyone comes into your life for a reason; for you to learn, for them to teach you, for you to help them and for them to help you. And they leave footprints on your heart, so you will never forget why they were there in the first place. Because sometimes you forget, and those footprints are there to guide you along, for you to step into until you are ready to make your own tracks. Like a little kid stepping in the bigger footprints of the one who went before them in the snow. :)...... [from me to mom] " ~~ "[from mom to me! lol! love mom!] man moron I raised you to be tough and take things in stride and always remember no matter how hard things are people out there are worse off than you. So seeing my little girl in love and hurting is real hard for me cause I can't hold her and tell her it will all work out just fine if GOD mean't it to be. Cheer up. I better go. Jimmy is waiting on me and I still want to write you .... I am sorry you had a bad night the other day. Please stop letting things get to you. You take things too serious. You take things too personal. You will be your own demise if you don't stop that. I mean it....

So, that was a little convo from me and mom. I'm not gonna go into it; too personal. But, it has really gotten me to thinkin. Sometimes, the best advice to take, is your own...
Jess